What Story Are You Telling Yourself And How Is It Serving You?

Apr 1

So many incredibly capable people still move through life feeling like they are on the back foot.

Not because they aren’t talented.
Not because they aren’t accomplished.
Not because they aren’t working hard enough.

In fact, often quite the opposite is true.

They are experienced. Thoughtful. Hard-working. Highly capable. From the outside, they may look as though they have it all together. They may be the person others rely on. The one who keeps going. The one who gets things done.

And yet internally, the story can sound very different.

A story of being behind.
A story of needing to catch up.
A story of needing to prove themselves to themselves and to others.

Continually!

And that story can shape far more than we realise.

When success on the outside does not match the experience on the inside

I’m currently working with a coaching client who is exceptionally accomplished. They are experienced, capable, high-performing, exceptionally educated and working on the cutting edge of tech and inovation. Someone others would likely assume has it all together.

And yet, they often feel as though they are behind.

Like they are trying to catch up.
Like they need to prove themselves.
Like they cannot quite relax into what they have already achieved.

Whatever they have achieved in life isn’t enough for them to feel fulfilled and successful.

That feeling of being on the back foot has real consequences and not positive ones.

It can mean saying yes when they already have too much on.
Taking on more than is reasonable.
Pushing themselves harder than they need to.
Blurring boundaries in ways that negatively affect their social life, their relationships, and their health.

All while reinforcing the very story that leaves them feeling stretched, overwhelmed, and never quite enough.

The cost of the wrong internal narrative

This is such a common pattern for high-achieving people.

We can look successful on the outside and still be carrying around an internal narrative that keeps us stuck in overcommitting, overthinking, and overproving.

When that narrative is left unexamined, it can quietly drive our decisions every day.

It can stop us from resting.
It can make boundaries feel uncomfortable.
It can turn every opportunity into an obligation.
It can make self-worth feel tied to output, approval, or external validation.

Over time, that takes a toll.

Because the issue is not always capability. In fact often it’s not, it’s the lens through which we are viewing ourselves.

This can also be a neurodivergent response

For some people, this can also be a neurodivergent response, particularly for those with ADHD.

When you have spent years feeling different, misunderstood, or as though you have to work harder than others just to stay on top of things, it can become very easy to internalise the belief that you are behind, not doing enough, or somehow getting it wrong. This can also be a trauma response or a response to previous environments.

That can then show up as overcommitting, people-pleasing, masking, or constantly pushing yourself beyond what is sustainable.

For many neurodivergent people, those who are from marginalized groups, those who have dealt with trauma, this may not be about a lack of ability. Far from it. It is often about years of absorbing messages, spoken or unspoken, that have shaped how they see themselves.

So even when they are doing well, achieving a lot, and being recognised by others, the internal experience may still be one of discomfort, pressure, or self-doubt.

That is why this work matters.

Because when we understand the story underneath the behaviour, we can begin to respond with more compassion, curiosity, and honesty.

The power of pausing and putting things into context

One simple but powerful act is choosing to be kinder to ourselves.

That may sound insignificant, but it can make a massive difference.

The next time you catch yourself criticising, berating, or chastising yourself, pause.

Put the issue into context.

Use a tool like the STEAR Map to step back and examine what is really happening. Notice the situation, the thoughts you are having about it, the emotions those thoughts create, the actions that follow, and the result those actions produce.

Then ask yourself: what would I say to a friend if they told me this same story?

Because in most cases, we would not speak to someone we care about in the way we so often speak to ourselves.

We would likely offer perspective. Compassion. Encouragement. Honesty, yes, but not cruelty.

So why not offer some of that to ourselves too?

Is the story true, or just familiar?

Sometimes the most important question is not whether the story feels true.

It’s whether it is familiar to us.

Because familiar stories can become powerful, even when they are unhelpful.

They can keep us stuck in patterns that feel oddly comfortable, even when they are exhausting. They can protect us from risk, disappointment, change, or vulnerability. They can keep us in motion so we do not have to stop and ask harder questions.

Is it familiar to live in this discomfort?

Is this story protecting you from something?

What happens if you change the narrative?

And if you are genuinely in the wrong place? The wrong role, environment, relationship, or season of life. What needs to change?

These are not always easy questions. But they are important ones.

Because once we can see the pattern, we have a chance not only to change the story, but to change what the story is asking us to tolerate.

A different story is possible

We do not always get to choose the experiences that shaped us.

But we can become more aware of the stories we are carrying as a result of them.

And from there, we can begin to choose differently.

With more self-awareness.
With more compassion.
With more honesty about what is working and what is not.
And with more courage to change what needs to change.

Because the story you are telling yourself matters.

It shapes how you see yourself.
How you move through the world.
What you say yes to.
What you believe you deserve.
And what you keep putting up with.